The Nettie Archives ~ December 2004

It was long before my time, believe it or not, but, yes, there were several hundred miles of oddball trackage laid down in the early days before these innovators and pioneers were ground out of existence by the railroad interests.

For instance, people today take it for granted that railroad tracks have two rails, to be straddled by the flanged wheels of a railroad car. This wasn't always so. As a matter of fact the original railways, at least in our neck of the woods, had two rails, but one was for coming and the other was for going. Logical, no? I mean, if you have railroad cars that take up *both* rails, and there are *only* two rails, it stands to reason that you can only have one train going back and forth, unless you want to get into the hassle and expense of shunts and sidelines and things.

So the original Squander, Carnage and Redbone Line used one rail for each direction and was twice as efficient as its nearest competitor, the Atkinsdiet, Nopeeka and Santa Foo Line, and three times as efficient as the troika-inspired three-tracked Russian Tchatanooguskga Tchoo-Tchoo.

Of course, as with all early experiments, there were drawbacks. The Squander, Carnage and Redbone Line's engine and cars had to be balanced to a fare-thee-well to prevent them from simply flopping over. Some stability was attained by the use of a heavy flywheel spun up by the engine, and by the use of large kickstands for when the train was in the station. Passengers were warned to remain motionless with their heads in the fully upright and locked positions for the duration of the journey, which on longer trips became known as the "battle of the bladder." Small children were sedated and shipped as freight, courtesy of the railroad.

The railway had two daily trips in each direction, running from Redbone to Squander, then on to Carnage, and finally to Point Gap across the border in Missouri. It operated with perfect safety for many years, but, as is the case with so many things, human error was its downfall. One day as the northbound freight was passing the southbound passenger express the two engineers decided to "high five" each other smack in the middle of the bridge over Rising Gorge. As they leaned out of the cabs the resulting imbalance was just enough to topple both trains into the Peestanding River far below, effectively ending the line's operation.

In the Dark Cloud/Silver Lining Proverb Department, the novelty patter song "Wreck of the '98" based on the tragedy remained at the top of the charts for many months and made Whistlin' Slim Willie's reputation.

Many years later the trackage was acquired by AMTREK, a railway startup-and-push transporter that put the travail back in travel. They used both rails, of course... when they used any at all....

So you can see how the expression arose. Passengers on these early trains paid their fare and balanced....